"Am I Dreaming" is a series for Eternal Sleepover written late at night by Emma about things that actually happened and things that didn't, things that were thought and things that were said by others, all blending on a subconscious plane. What is real and what is not is for you to decide.
How are we going to get from Vegas to LA in one day you ask? First I need to talk about how much of a muse for our generation Fii is. This person is currently seated diagonal from me on their bed with freshly shaved and bleached head, studded steel earrings, and a black justin bieber shirt. Yesterday they were in a silk robe siting on a stack of psychology and gender books smoking the remainder of a joint gazing longingly out of the window.
Drugs in America: everyone is doing them. Prescription pills are a-ok tho, take some more so you feel less. Three meth safe sites right by my house, under their apartment in soho, around. Sammy and Jo used to drink coffee in the morning and look at all the crackheads lined up, some with kids some with dogs. Jojo can say crackheads because their are some in her family.
Shrooms and ecstasy are the way to go, according to the three people in the room right now. PS anyone that goes crazy off of acid didn’t take acid they took RCs, research chemicals.
Heres the lowdown on CBD:: it chills out your body and lowers your anxiety. It can be flower or from a pen. The body effects. It makes me not want to smoke cigarettes. Maybe we should keep CBDs rolled so she stops smoking stogs outside in the moonlight.
We went for a long long walk through nighttime beverly hills, where the pavement feels like velvet underneath your bare feet.
I have been writing all of these entries between 10pm and 10 am, the same parameters given to everyone in this magazine: make it at nighttime hours. Today I ate so many cherries, rice cake with avocado, and seaweed salad. In New York I would have had a bagel and coffee coffee coffee. Granted, here I’m having coffee coffee coffee but its with turmeric and syrup.
And now it feels like I am here. How did I get here?
I posted on my instagram the night prior, a tasteful selfie of me in savannah’s pink sweats rolled all the way down to expose belly and hips ala 2000s juicy tracksuits a la paris hilton. that with my new nevada tshirt (the one I got for 2 for 10 remember). And a soul responded, and I dmed them my number, texted them my current address, and got in the car with them.
We are in the backseat of a strangers car zooming through the desert at 80 miles per hour.
what do you think about in the dark? i think about how small my world is because I find people with the same ideas about life as me. I hate to admit that I love LA because I don’t like what it means and what it represents and the lips and legs walking down the street. I want to move into an age of accepting natural beauty.
I want to start doing things slower, eating slower, walking slower. See how it makes me feel, see if I’m still productive. Productivity lies in focus, and focus on tasks could bleed into ethics and completion. I think I am trying to find a way around the system, I have a lot of ideas so lets see if any of them work. It feels like there are too many steps to do things on an industry level and creativity should be kept pure and in the family with people you already have relationships and chemistry with in a day-to-day setting, and then you can complete any dynamic task or thought or idea together because you know how the other one ticks, what they mean when they say something, that takes a really long time to learn. Translating their reality back into yours, what it means to them compared to what it would mean to you. Most of us never learn that language, and therefore truly never speak to or understand each other. You cannot take anything at face value because there are so many personal associations experiences energies time thoughts and routine a layer beneath everyone’s dialogue.
I feel fragile. In New York there is no avoiding a feeling, it collides with you unexpectedly. Living in denial is quite splendid.
When I played Sims I never bothered to go the hard route of making money and doing things while balancing all my health bars. I cheated my way through that motherfucker. KACHING and bank is 50,000 simoleons, energy up and everyone is at max green, reading cooking books at hyper speed so they can go from pouring orange juice to-fucking-creme-brûlée in a day. Patience and balance are not my thing… and I always feel like I can cheat myself. So far, the cheat codes are really working let me tell you.
I’m under the water and talking more about horoscopes and spirituality and doing random yoga and wearing looser clothing with the windows open.
I can hear crickets and feel velvet blue night. I wholeheartedly believe that a woman’s intuition is always right, btw.
Feel the weight of a cowboy hat on my head.
HOW DID YOU GET TO LA???!!! quite safely and effortlessly thank you for asking. I should also probably ask people before I film them if it’s okay to film them but then they start acting all funny and I just want them to be them and show it for proof that sometimes people don’t pretend. The pretend is saturating into the real because we are operating everything by a glass shield.
We go to Jheyda’s art show... her show draws the most beautiful crowd … everyone .. is .. so.. stunning. .. I go into her gallery and gaze at photographs that look like watercolor images.
The top level has arrangements from her room: tarot cards, lenticular images, real roses arranged around family photos and an installation of a living room and a piece of durags arching connecting two bedside tables with painted black angels and memorabilia. It was the most beautiful thing to be a part of. I went into pretend media mode. Im the magazine! Im the media. I’m talking notepads out scribbling down what people were saying and doing. Cybelle was video recording me waking through the gallery commenting on it and The whole time I’m just like howdydodee this is so beautiful! I shamelessly took so many iPhone photos because I wanted to remember all these beautiful details.
I got overwhelmed and me and cyb left and went to get chinese food and plot and scheme. We did a business meeting over dinner and decided to do messy tv episodes and what we want to turn messy into. What the future holds, I wrote it on my lined notebook and got some garlic grease on the pages. The bill is cheap and the waiter says don’t rush, we don’t. It’s where Jackie Chan filmed some scene in some movie..
Tin lunchboxes closed shut, kids playing pretend grown-up.