let's take turns being the adult

Just when you think one years over you remember that this one problem just starts all over again, you struggle once again, and this all happens over and over again, like a cycle. It’s hard if your only just a young child and having to take turns in the adult. You know that you’re definitely more mature but it’s still so hard. You want to do it, you want to drag the sharp object over your bare skin, you want to take your mind off everything and get your anger out, but you can’t. You remember it’s not allowed to be an option anymore and that when you realise things are getting just as hard.

 

You’re just wanting someone to understand, to agree and let you do what you want to-do, what you really want to do. You just want to be free for a bit, just a little bit. You aren’t alone, you have friends, a family, you have a home, money, water, food and you’re being educated. “what more could you want?” people question. You just want to be free, escape from the pain, the struggles. You want to be happy, having lows every now and then and millions of ups, not vice versa.

 

You saw her once, her short, curly, beautiful hair blowing in the faint wind, sadly she’s in the hands of a crazy monster, you see him. Did he see you? Another thing you’ll just never know. You just want to be the one to run around playing the crazy little chasing games that she’d just love to play with her older sister, but you know you can’t and you will never be able to. People are trying to tell you how you were treated, how you lived your life and really, it’s just truly pathetic, you continue to fight back thinking it’s the right thing to do... but then you do it and you just wish you kept your mouth closed because it was the stupidest decision you’ve ever made, because you know once again it’ll all just come back around and bite you in the ass.

 

You finally feel like things are over, just the old and no more of something new, but apparently that’s never the case. Who do they think they are? Making you feel like complete and utter shit. You should know by now, that happiness isn’t something that lasts too long before it all just comes back around and starts again, and if you’re lucky you get to be happy for a while but then the arrow comes and hits you even faster than it usually would. It just turns out that you can’t be overly happy unless you’re ready to face the insane overload of pain that comes as a side. Although you’re somewhat grateful because it’s the most amount of happiness that you’ve felt in the longest time. 

 

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