To be brutally honest with myself....

 

The biggest problem for me is starting. I’m stuck in this cycle for a while now of constantly dreaming up ideas in my head that I have yet to start on , yet I perceive them as the finished product. It’s kinda funny how my mind fantasizes ways to fulfill its ego by saying that I will have had all these amazing experiences in my life when I have never actually accomplished or done any of it. My mind has a way of telling me implicitly that I have not done enough.  I don’t care. Your lying to me. Im trying my best. I have years and years and years to go before accomplishing my dream. What is age? What is Time? What is a dream? We’ll it doesn’t exist, mind. Because life is a constant adventure filled with whimsicality and wonder and love and pain and its purpose can never be summed up to a single dream. Nor will you, mind, ever be pleased because you are greedy and unaccepting and always wanting more. You tell me I don’t have enough, mind, you know how hard I’m trying to say I do. Because I do and I always have. Because all I have is this beautiful day, no, moment, MIND, I Love this moment whether you like it or not. I love my life the way it is and if it changes I will love it the way it is also. I love you too MIND. But calm down love your breaking my heart.

 

 

I’m pretty sure I was having a mental breakdown and felt like shit. I wrote this after a long day of feeling like I wasn’t not doing enough with my life ,and I was living too much in fantasies that never happened. I was writing down notes upon notes of goals I wanted to achieve without ever working on them, and I was writing to myself to tell myself that it is ok. The days when you struggle to enjoy the present moment and feel that you are good enough. The truth is you don’t need validation even from yourself, its uncreative.