Talk with Me
Q&A and images from my tumblr
I feel like lately I have forgotten how to have a dialogue on social media. Feeling way overstimulated every time I go on socials, I guess I go in and out of phases of being able to use it in a healthy way, and I’ve become too sensitive to the way it changes my thought patterns, makes me scroll and tap that empty space where I deleted the app impulsively, makes my heart rate go up when I see the hyper dramatized world that exists outside my own. I mean I went to search someone’s name but I ended up somehow in this black tar pit. I don’t really know what to talk about anymore. Don’t really know what to say that matters anymore, everything feels too loud and I feel too quiet and attached to some expectations of what my role is, who I am supposed to be to others or in this realm of internet/life/society. I know there are just other people on the other end of the screen, tapping away in their beds like I am right now, but they don’t feel real, they feel so distant, behind a few filters and trite captions and regurgitating the same info again and again.
I know i know social media is an overtasked about topic, but it’s quite literally the most revolutionary thing to happen to society and I think about it often, as a concept, impact, communication, bridge, divide. And since I don’t know how to talk to a platform anymore I texted you through my mass text thing I set up a while ago and asked individuals to ask me questions. I think I can handle that.
Elise: What’s your favorite song recently?
Been listening to Yung Lean’s new album Poison Ivy— the music videos that he dropped to accompany them were absolutely beautiful and I can close my eyes when I’m riding the train and picture them, each a little movie.
Adelei: Do you think it’s crazy to be in a relationship (friendship or romantic) even after they have hurt you deeply?
I don’t, but I also don’t know the circumstance. I think inevitably, the people you love hurt you. Whether just time, mental health reasons, selfishness (humans are invariably selfish). I think it’s more about how you progress after it, if you feel that it was resolved and handled with love and care. You have to be careful of abusive tendencies versus a mistake that is out of character. If you feel like you can’t talk about it with them in a neutral setting and they are willing to hear you, even if your anxieties around it persist for a while. Patience, love, understanding is needed from both parties, in any relationship, it if hopes to survive.
Gianna: What has been inspiring you lately? What's been making you happy? This weather change always pushes me to focus on good memories to not get depressed.
Definitely, I’m feeling the depression setting in right now, and impatience! I hate waiting for the mag to be ready (it takes so long to print). I have been reading lately, that is so nice. When I was younger I read a LOT like a book a day, and I forgot about the transporting properties books have. I absolutely forget where I am, it’s like a full experience of a dream. I just read Valley of the Dolls which I LOVE! and Time Machine by HG Wells, which was one of my favorites when I was younger. Reading, the markets in berlin and hot cider are super sweet. Me Cyb and Sham have been experimenting with film too, making shorts and stuff. I feel kind of silly doing it, writing a script and having my friends act it out makes me feel like I’m a kid, in the best way.
Chella: I’m in college and it feels really wrong. I can’t connect with anyone and I don’t know what I’m doing, what should I do? Pls help.
First, I totally feel you. I felt like this in college, I know a lot of people who feel like this. It’s quite an isolating time to live in in general, and being thrown into a college experience has so much to it. I suggest you throw yourself into studying, which is what you are there to do, and what very few people at college actually do. But become obsessed with your classes, when you are finding yourself unsure of what to do with yourself or feeling anxious, grab a sweater and go to the library with no purpose. There are literally SO many resources at colleges no students use. I would go to the film archives, dark room, pottery studios… there was always hardly anyone there. I think focusing on fulfilling yourself, inspiring yourself, is the way to go. You will probably meet someone though that, and if you don’t, you will meet more of yourself. Wishing you so much love.
Cailynn: What helps you clear your mind?? Beyond overstimulated and stress lately and I’m crashing because of it.
Angel! TBH :: getting off my phone. Silencing the voices in my head. Getting rid of the infinite variations of life and opinions. Trying to focus on what is in front of me. Watching a good movie (Might I recommend Jackie Brown?) or listening to a great album all the way through just laying on your back and staring at the ceiling. (Might I recommend Depression Cherry by Beach House?) I think all in all: taking time for yourself , making space for your thoughts, and trying to eliminate toxic habits. This can take the form of: baths, reading, making art, writing, staring out the window while it rains. This can not be: scrolling on your phone, gossiping, binge watching netflix with no restraint, ( i feel like those things just throw you further down the stress hole)
Madison: How to stay inspired when everything feels pointless sometimes
Things feel pointless sometimes and that’s okay and part of your process of the human experience. I don’t pressure myself to “stay inspired’ or “stay positive” or “stay loving life” because sometimes… shit just.. sucks and there’s no convincing me out of it TBH! I just try and be gentle with myself and those around me, maybe not make so many plans or try to set myself up with good food, enough sleep, move my body. Baseline take care of myself to improve my mental health and before you know it I’m stuck in a whirlwind of inspiration.
Julianne: What would your most ideal living space look like?
BIG table for projects and breakfasts. Big windows to let the light in.
Chanelle: Do you worry about becoming an adult? I feel like our generation really worries about how to become adults and take on responsibilities? Do you think you are doing that?
Yes and no. No mostly, but I don’t think that adults even know how to adult that well. I think we are figuring it out and doing a pretty good job considering all that we are dealing with and trying to change.