Weekly advice column, Hosted by Sofia Sperling.
Sofia is a psychology student, and self-love & women’s rights advocate. She has been sharing her own struggles with depression and anxiety openly on her platforms for years in order to remind people that they are not alone, and to fight stigmas of mental illness.
I struggle with thinking about life too much, and get so overwhelmed and depressed because I start thinking that nothing matters.
Sometimes I know how to get out of that mindset but sometimes I don't, and end up crying every evening for 2 weeks straight.
It's not that kind of "nothing matters, I want to end my life" I just get really sad and lose any motivation.
Intrusive thoughts are definitely the worst. They can come out of nowhere and completely shake you. No matter how far along you are on your journey to self-love, these will occur because sadly our society has made it normal.
First off, do not get upset with yourself for these thoughts. It is not in your control and all you can do is learn how to react to them. Some days will be easier than others to deal with such thoughts and that is okay.
When they occur, stop and think. Separate the rational and irrational and remind yourself that you are not these nasty thoughts. In order to minimize the disturbance of these thoughts you must practice belittling them. Telling that little voice in your head that it’s stupid and wrong and you are in fact beautiful and strong. Practice affirmations and talking yourself out of these irrational thoughts.
Since this may not always work, as some intrusive thoughts are deeper and more insidious than others, prepare yourself for this. Carry affirmations with you, cover your mirror with them, and set reminders on your phone. If these thoughts are engulfing you, cushion yourself with positivity. Try and dance to your favorite songs or play with a dog.
It can be hard to break free, but pushing yourself to take a walk and recognize the beauty around you or going out with your friends can be great distractions. Push yourself to do what you lost motivation for because even if you only make a little progress it’ll will feel so good and show the demon inside of you how much stronger you are than it.
I recently started talking with a guy but he kind of got bored with me and stopped talking to me.. it really hurt my feelings and made me more insecure than I already am. Any advice on how to get over these sort of things and how to get started with your self-love journey?
The thing about self-love and learning to love yourself is the emphasis on the self. You should not define yourself by how others see you, although it can be productive to keep in consideration. If a boy gets “bored” of you that’s his loss. That is a reflection of him and not you. Not everyone is going to like you, and you’re not going to like everyone. There are so many different types of people out there, it wouldn’t make sense for everyone to be everyone’s type.
Although scenarios like this can hurt the ego, it is not the ego that is important, but the heart. You are your own unique being and it’s important to recognize that. Work on loving yourself from within and avoid taking other people’s perceptions of you to heart.
Find security in finding yourself. In knowing who you are and who you want to be. Find strength in your past hardships because you are here now and have overcome them.
Recently I have been on the road trying to truly be myself, but I feel as if my friends aren't accepting that. The divide between our interests is now becoming more and more evident. It makes me really upset and I'm just stuck trying to let go but with nowhere to go.
Being around people who don’t accept you for who you are can be very damaging to the self, especially as you are on a journey to learning to love yourself. It is selfish of them to not want what’s best for you, and honestly that makes them a bad friend.
Just because you’ve been friends with someone for a long time doesn’t mean you have to be friends forever. It is natural to grow apart from people especially as you’re reaching your true self. But, to be clear, being alone does not make you lonely, and sometimes being alone will be more beneficial on this journey than being surrounded by people who don’t empower you.
Maybe begin to see them less, and focus on your interests more. Maybe join a club at your school that is something you are passionate about and try to meet new people. Push yourself to be more open to meeting new people and exploring your interests. There will always be people out there to relate to because there are so many people in this world and if you’re struggling to find them in your school, find comfort in the community which the Messy Heads has created.
I struggle to tell people how I truly feel. It is hard to embrace and discuss all my feelings without feeling like a debby-downer, even though my friends express all their feelings to me.
It is very important to communicate your feelings, especially in relationships. Communication is the key to successful relationships and although it may feel hard to share them, you will feel better off in the end. Holding something in will only make it worse.
Understanding your emotions is the more important initial step. If you are feeling self-conscious about your emotions, try to reflect on why they’re making you feel so uncomfortable. Getting to know yourself and why certain things make you feel certain ways will help you feel more secure in yourself and your communication. Understanding your emotional process will help you feel stronger when sharing, and will be beneficial as a whole.
Also remember that these people are your friends for a reason! They love and care about you and want what’s best for you. They want to know how you’re feeling and how they can help. They are there for a reason and if they are like you said, amazing friends, then they will love and accept you while you are feeling any sort of emotion.
***You have compete anonymity when sending questions to sofia, but if we hear that you are planing on hurting yourself or someone else, we are mandatory reporters. Please note that this advice column is not a substitute for professional help. If you are facing serious family, personal, or mental issues, seek direct help***
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