Staring at the Ceiling

What do you think when you’re all alone, in your bed, listening to music starring at the ceiling?

Here are my thoughts, raw and real. The stories that all the voices in my head tell me every day. Some are good, some are bad.

23 years on earth and still no clue how the fuck it works.

But, if by any chance, this helps you, please come and join me in staring at the ceiling.

 

Currently in the sort-of-countryside in France, I’m staying at one of my best friend’s home before going back to the city.

She is writing an article on the importance of language in regards to gender and LGBT+ community. I’m impressed. And here’s me, writing about Love.

Love. Being in love. Loving someone. Hurt. Being hurt. Hurting someone.

 

Why do I think about the end when I'm in an intimate relationship?

Is it really what they say? That I just protect myself? I don’t know. I’m not sure. Maybe I’m protecting people from my feelings? What I know is that Love is one of the most dangerous feelings to me. It's something that I was afraid of growing up.

Until the end of High School, I was the girl that loved "love". Not in a cheesy way. Just the girl that was in love 365 days a year and loving the butterfly feeling that comes with it.

In the past 4/5 years, I’ve changed. Maybe it's because of something that happened, but I don’t think those changes came from heartbreaks. Rather, from adventures, growing up, and experiencing life.

The thing is that I want more. Always. And I'm afraid. Always.

 

now playing: little of your love - haim

My sixteen little sister once came into my room and told me, “You need to let people in. You can’t keep building walls between you and the one you love. It’s going to be okay, you’re safe.”

Maybe she’s right, I am safe.

Does love hurt? Yes.

Is love worth it? Sometimes.

Do I regret It? Not a single bit.

Since the beginning of our teenage years, love has always been a priority. Whether you wanted a relationship for love, to be cool, to remedy the fact that you haven’t had sex yet, because you felt alone, you were the only single one of your friends.  Love seems to be a priority in our lives.

That’s just it. And that’s why LOVE is the most portrayed feeling in movies, music, books, paintings. It’s something that is meant to be bigger than us and beautiful. Often embellished.

now playing: somebody else - the 1975

Love is just like faith. You can believe in God, the Universe, Animals. Just like faith, love is something very personal. Nobody can understand how it really works because we are all beautifully different. Only on our own can decide when we are ready to experience this bigger feeling. Love can’t be rushed. Don’t try to impress.

I’m 23 years old, in love and I can tell you, the wait was worth it.

 

Find Ambre: @ambsfactory